So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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