so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
