shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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