someone get that fucking seahorse.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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