the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
