I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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