I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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