After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
