i barfeds in our rink
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
