why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
