I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
