I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize