she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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