Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
