Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
