Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You are the jesus of drinking
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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