can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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