drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
