Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
