Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
