I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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