Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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