He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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