sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
