he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
