Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
