They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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