if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
