We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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