do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
