dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I AM VODKA MAN
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
