I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
