I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
