You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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