we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
