Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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