Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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