New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
