Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
