i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize