can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will be naked everywhere
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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