HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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