Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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