i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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