I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
