I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
