Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
