my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
