My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
