I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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