Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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