Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize