I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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