My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
