hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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