So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
