her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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