im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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