At least make sure they are 18
Why
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
