I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize