Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
