it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just invented taco cereal.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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