You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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