I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
