he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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