He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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