I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
