just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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