the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
