we have pet lesbian snakes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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