she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
