the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
