A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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