Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
