Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
