I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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