She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize