I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
