How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
