Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
