my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
