If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Pants are for mortals
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
