Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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