I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she told me i tasted like america
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
