Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
