You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
