I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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